Just this very week, I have been caught completely off guard four times. I've just minding my own business then SURPRISE! I'm a little discombobulated and disoriented but after the initial shock I'm pleasantly delighted (as if you could be unpleasantly delighted).
This week the world became just a little smaller. People remained a little crazier. The sun moon and planets were all aligned and the angels were a signing. I was able to have a mid-exam nap and still pass. The bubonic plague I seem to be carrying in my lungs is annoying at worse. I got a letter in the mail that warmed my heart. I received good news from an old friend. I actually heard from another friend. I got set free from a lot of garbage that I was toting around.
I feel like God just blessed me this week. I can't quite explain it. I'm that person who loves to be surprised but utterly hates to be surprised if I have any inkling that a surprise is stewing. I love just a random Wednesday afternoon, your phone rings and a conversation changes the course of your life even if it's just for that moment. I realize I'm being all hippie and abstract. I'm cool with it. Some things are better when they aren't explained. I'm learning that, slowly.
Anyway, today marks the 1st day of October! I must admit, I'm pretty excited. This year I will do the Haunted Ghost Tour, you know, barring I get over the plague. October means it's still football season! Yeah! I'm not all that stoked about it getting ridiculously cold but I'm ok with the cooler temps. And I start prepping for boards today. An hour a day until Spring Break.. then we'll up the ante. Keep me honest friends! Speaking of boards, it seems as if my life planned next June without little insight from me. More details on June as it develops. I must go now. The tuberculosis is coming back, it's remedied by rest.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Shine as children do...
Dearhearts, it's been a while! There's so much to say. I've missed you dearly. I know, I know, I say that every time but it doesn't make it any less true. Lots to note.
First off, I've taken to online dating. Ok, there hasn't been much dating. More like facebooking smoking guys of similar interest and geographical location for a nominal fee. Translation, it ain't going so hot. As I've said before, I have the ability to attract the weirdos and freaks. So far, a month into eharmony, I have been matched with a 31 year old guy who proudly collects disability, a self proclaimed artist (aka, unemployed) and a guy who I go to school with who is absolutely not my type. I've also scouted out Plenty of Fish, Match and Christian Cafe. So far, duds. Plenty of Fish gave me good laugh. One guy's headline was "The best psycho ex you'll ever have"... hey boy what's your number you sound like just my type. I've gotten emails from a guy who thought we'd be perfect together because we were both from Africa. Another was confident that I was exactly what he was looking for. Another insisted on knowing my last name and where I lived. The 61 year old from Memphis that 'winked' at me. I felt the need to shower, twice, after that.
I know I sound kinda desperate. Truth is, I am. My ovaries are dying more and more each day and everytime I turn around another friend in preggo. I don't want babies just yet or ever maybe but I'd like to be heading in that direction. In all honesty, I don't even have a picture on Plenty of Fish and I don't think I actually filled out a profile. I just use it for stalking purposes. How else would I find interesting headlines like the one above? My Christian Cafe free membership was 10 days and it has long expired. My free Match membership expires Friday or Saturday and I'm canceling it because I ain't paying. I did pay for eharmony though. I had to know if the guy I thought went to school with me really went to school with me and you have to pay to see pictures. Turns out I was correcto. I thought 'well, I paid for a 4 month membership so I might as well give it a shot.' 2 weeks into it I got so irate at eharmony that I sent them a stern, ok outright mean, email demanding my money back. I got half and was able to keep my membership til January. So I'm going to give it another fair shake.
I'm kinda indifferent about online dating. Truth be told, I'm kinda a chicken. I'm not trusting enough to meet a total stranger in real life that I met online unless you know he looked like a Roman god. Roman god look a likes typically don't chop people up and put them in pieces in their pick up, right? No seriously, I'm not really sure what I'm after. A relationship? Maybe. I'm kinda doubtful. An experiment absolutely.
I've learned so much about myself in the past almost month of online dating. It truly is like ebay 'cept for people. I'm not sure how fair it either. I'm judging a whole person based on 1-5 photos, a paragraph and because an website said we were compatible. Something about that just doesn't click. I'm not going to lie, if it looked like you hit 1 too many branches when you fell out the fugly tree, I close the match. That's probably not fair. I've fallen pretty hard for non Roman god like guys who had the stellar personalities. You can't really get a feel for someone's personality based on a paragraph. I straddle with initiating communicating with the person who's hit too many fugly branches if I know I'm not physically attracted to him. Not to say, I wouldn't respond to communication if they messaged me first. I've chatted it up with a few guys who messaged me. One, in fact, I think I've made a friend in. So all isn't lost in the game of online dating.
Friends seem kinda hard to find these days. Most eggos are preggo or super busy or live far away or my lifestyle appears too busy or a combination of some sorts. Moving home has been interesting. The most non family interaction I get is at church and mandatory lab. OPP lab is especially bad, I don't know any of my classmates so when I'm looking for my lab partner I always look so lost. Kinda like the kid searching for his mom at walmart. I feel a little like I've missed out on something by moving from the burg. Moving back is a thought. I just feel like I need to find a way to meet more people or something. My life is ridiculously mundane at the moment.
I'm considering a tattoo. I know I'm fickle. Slightly morally opposed to obviously visible markings and too bashful to get one in a place that could only be seen in my skivvies. I'm not sure even what I'd get. I'll give it some more thought. Perhaps a 25th Birthday present? Perhaps.
A final word, I found this quote on a blog dedicated to literary tattoos (which prompted me to think I want one):
“I must learn to love the fool in me – the one who feels too much, talks to much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laught and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my fool.”
From Love me, love my fool: Thoughts from a psychoanalyst’s notebook by Theodore Isaac Rubin
First off, I've taken to online dating. Ok, there hasn't been much dating. More like facebooking smoking guys of similar interest and geographical location for a nominal fee. Translation, it ain't going so hot. As I've said before, I have the ability to attract the weirdos and freaks. So far, a month into eharmony, I have been matched with a 31 year old guy who proudly collects disability, a self proclaimed artist (aka, unemployed) and a guy who I go to school with who is absolutely not my type. I've also scouted out Plenty of Fish, Match and Christian Cafe. So far, duds. Plenty of Fish gave me good laugh. One guy's headline was "The best psycho ex you'll ever have"... hey boy what's your number you sound like just my type. I've gotten emails from a guy who thought we'd be perfect together because we were both from Africa. Another was confident that I was exactly what he was looking for. Another insisted on knowing my last name and where I lived. The 61 year old from Memphis that 'winked' at me. I felt the need to shower, twice, after that.
I know I sound kinda desperate. Truth is, I am. My ovaries are dying more and more each day and everytime I turn around another friend in preggo. I don't want babies just yet or ever maybe but I'd like to be heading in that direction. In all honesty, I don't even have a picture on Plenty of Fish and I don't think I actually filled out a profile. I just use it for stalking purposes. How else would I find interesting headlines like the one above? My Christian Cafe free membership was 10 days and it has long expired. My free Match membership expires Friday or Saturday and I'm canceling it because I ain't paying. I did pay for eharmony though. I had to know if the guy I thought went to school with me really went to school with me and you have to pay to see pictures. Turns out I was correcto. I thought 'well, I paid for a 4 month membership so I might as well give it a shot.' 2 weeks into it I got so irate at eharmony that I sent them a stern, ok outright mean, email demanding my money back. I got half and was able to keep my membership til January. So I'm going to give it another fair shake.
I'm kinda indifferent about online dating. Truth be told, I'm kinda a chicken. I'm not trusting enough to meet a total stranger in real life that I met online unless you know he looked like a Roman god. Roman god look a likes typically don't chop people up and put them in pieces in their pick up, right? No seriously, I'm not really sure what I'm after. A relationship? Maybe. I'm kinda doubtful. An experiment absolutely.
I've learned so much about myself in the past almost month of online dating. It truly is like ebay 'cept for people. I'm not sure how fair it either. I'm judging a whole person based on 1-5 photos, a paragraph and because an website said we were compatible. Something about that just doesn't click. I'm not going to lie, if it looked like you hit 1 too many branches when you fell out the fugly tree, I close the match. That's probably not fair. I've fallen pretty hard for non Roman god like guys who had the stellar personalities. You can't really get a feel for someone's personality based on a paragraph. I straddle with initiating communicating with the person who's hit too many fugly branches if I know I'm not physically attracted to him. Not to say, I wouldn't respond to communication if they messaged me first. I've chatted it up with a few guys who messaged me. One, in fact, I think I've made a friend in. So all isn't lost in the game of online dating.
Friends seem kinda hard to find these days. Most eggos are preggo or super busy or live far away or my lifestyle appears too busy or a combination of some sorts. Moving home has been interesting. The most non family interaction I get is at church and mandatory lab. OPP lab is especially bad, I don't know any of my classmates so when I'm looking for my lab partner I always look so lost. Kinda like the kid searching for his mom at walmart. I feel a little like I've missed out on something by moving from the burg. Moving back is a thought. I just feel like I need to find a way to meet more people or something. My life is ridiculously mundane at the moment.
I'm considering a tattoo. I know I'm fickle. Slightly morally opposed to obviously visible markings and too bashful to get one in a place that could only be seen in my skivvies. I'm not sure even what I'd get. I'll give it some more thought. Perhaps a 25th Birthday present? Perhaps.
A final word, I found this quote on a blog dedicated to literary tattoos (which prompted me to think I want one):
“I must learn to love the fool in me – the one who feels too much, talks to much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laught and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my fool.”
From Love me, love my fool: Thoughts from a psychoanalyst’s notebook by Theodore Isaac Rubin
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
We Need Da Funk
Gotta have that funk! Absolutely true.
Just earlier today I was freaking out that I missed six hours of lecture and was SOOO behind that I couldn't see straight. I did my normal pre-exam, "I don't want to be a doctor. There is no way I can learn all this crap by Monday. I will be the worst doctor ever. Why did anyone let me into medical school. I think I'll quit. Yes, tomorrow I will just quit," mantra. It never gets old. I'm not lying. I wish I were. Every time I have this anxious ramble going through my head, I convince myself I'm going to quit. Then, I take a nap (or call it a night) and feel better about it the next day. Today was a bit different really.
I feel like I've been in this "Med school I hate you. Med school you suck. Med school I give up everything (you know, like the cruise) because of you and all you give me is anxiety" funk for a while. No lie kids, 2 weeks ago I seriously thought about it just quitting. I even had a plan. I was just going to go to the Dean and quit instead of taking my exam. It was settled.
Most of this sounds like sheer test anxiety and that I probably need some good drugs and I don't debate you but it's something deeper. I genuinely loathed medical school with every fiber of my being. I felt like I was missing all the good parts of life while holding on to a dream. A dream that I wasn't sure was my mine anymore. Tonight, something amazing happened.
Like I said before, I was six lectures behind and DREADING, listening to this guest lecturer talk about pulmonary crap. I didn't care what he had to say. I just want to know what I need to know and take the test and go on to my next system. That's the mind frame I've been in. Just get through, learn what you need, take boards and go on rotations. Rotations has to be better. Just get there.
Anyway, as I'm listening to this guy, something shifts in me. My deep seated hatred of all things school related lifted a bit. I smiled while looking at notes. It was you know, a hallelujah moment. The heavens opened and the angels sang. Ladies and Gents (probably just ladies), I have found my calling. I shall be a pulmonologist and I'm thinking probably a pediatric one at that. No worries, the kiddos can call me Dr. C!
This shouldn't shock me one bit. That's the kinda doc I always said I'd be. At 12 I'd tell people I'd be a Pediatric Pulmonologist. I'm just thankful that God brought it back to my memory right when I was at the point of desperation. That's how God works though, just when you're about to give up, He steps in. Learning about how all the tests I had as a kid work and what they mean really rekindled the old flame. In the event God calls me to something else, I'm ok with it but I really needed these lectures (literal med school lectures) to remind me that He's called me to do this. I needed the persistent "I hate med school. Die med school die" to really make this revelation mean something. Hoped I encouraged your hearts love. Be sure to remind me of this post when I start my groaning again. Ciao.
Just earlier today I was freaking out that I missed six hours of lecture and was SOOO behind that I couldn't see straight. I did my normal pre-exam, "I don't want to be a doctor. There is no way I can learn all this crap by Monday. I will be the worst doctor ever. Why did anyone let me into medical school. I think I'll quit. Yes, tomorrow I will just quit," mantra. It never gets old. I'm not lying. I wish I were. Every time I have this anxious ramble going through my head, I convince myself I'm going to quit. Then, I take a nap (or call it a night) and feel better about it the next day. Today was a bit different really.
I feel like I've been in this "Med school I hate you. Med school you suck. Med school I give up everything (you know, like the cruise) because of you and all you give me is anxiety" funk for a while. No lie kids, 2 weeks ago I seriously thought about it just quitting. I even had a plan. I was just going to go to the Dean and quit instead of taking my exam. It was settled.
Most of this sounds like sheer test anxiety and that I probably need some good drugs and I don't debate you but it's something deeper. I genuinely loathed medical school with every fiber of my being. I felt like I was missing all the good parts of life while holding on to a dream. A dream that I wasn't sure was my mine anymore. Tonight, something amazing happened.
Like I said before, I was six lectures behind and DREADING, listening to this guest lecturer talk about pulmonary crap. I didn't care what he had to say. I just want to know what I need to know and take the test and go on to my next system. That's the mind frame I've been in. Just get through, learn what you need, take boards and go on rotations. Rotations has to be better. Just get there.
Anyway, as I'm listening to this guy, something shifts in me. My deep seated hatred of all things school related lifted a bit. I smiled while looking at notes. It was you know, a hallelujah moment. The heavens opened and the angels sang. Ladies and Gents (probably just ladies), I have found my calling. I shall be a pulmonologist and I'm thinking probably a pediatric one at that. No worries, the kiddos can call me Dr. C!
This shouldn't shock me one bit. That's the kinda doc I always said I'd be. At 12 I'd tell people I'd be a Pediatric Pulmonologist. I'm just thankful that God brought it back to my memory right when I was at the point of desperation. That's how God works though, just when you're about to give up, He steps in. Learning about how all the tests I had as a kid work and what they mean really rekindled the old flame. In the event God calls me to something else, I'm ok with it but I really needed these lectures (literal med school lectures) to remind me that He's called me to do this. I needed the persistent "I hate med school. Die med school die" to really make this revelation mean something. Hoped I encouraged your hearts love. Be sure to remind me of this post when I start my groaning again. Ciao.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Gaga on the brain
Yes so much really going through my head. I'd like to say one of the best shows from 1994 was My So Called Life. It's all types of tragic that it only lasted a season. Yes, I admit that I was only 8 in 1994 but honest to Betsy I remember watching it. The actual plot was vague as were the details but I remember it existing. I was in love with the show Daria back then too. Man, MTV in the 1990s explain so much of my current outlook on life. Tonight, you know, instead of studying, I decided to Hulu some old school My So Called. What a dream! You should Hulu it too, it very well might change your life.
A few notes, I have so serious Claire Dane hair envy. I'm a hater of natural red heads. There is nothing ever cute about having orange hair, exhibit a, Carrottop. I think a cross between fire engine red and alburn hair is just beautiful. Pretty pretty very pretty. Claire Dane, your colorist is dead on, work it baby!
There was this awesome quote! Here it is for your edification:
"It just seems like, you agree to have a certain personality or something. For no reason. Just to make things easier for everyone. But when you think about it, I mean, how do you know it's even you? And, I mean, this whole thing with yearbook -- it's like, everybody's in this big hurry to make this book, to supposedly remember what happened. Because if you made a book of what really happened, it'd be a really upsetting book." - Angela, My So Called Life
True, forreal. Some of you may know I've been experiencing a quarter life crisis. Yes, it happens often but this one was rather big. I'm not sure what the disturbance was in the universe that day but it shook the foundations of my world pretty big. Just plain chaos. It wasn't a single isolated event though. Definitely a culmination of just random small things. During this time of crazy I've learned a lot.
Like, in many ways I'm a lot like Angela. It's true, I can related to a 15 year old fictional character. I'm still trying to figure it out. More specifically, I'm trying to figure me out. The person I see these days ain't the chick I love. Every so often I'll get a glimpse of the real me and realize not all hope is lost.
I know I moan and complain about how I hate the person that med school has made me. It's true. I do. I can't blame it all on school. As Angela says "just to make things easier for everyone". I admire those people who live life uninhibitedly with reckless disregard of how their lives impact others. I don't actually believe those people exist but if they did, I'd think they were rockstars.
With that said, all in one week I came extremely close (like had I been at school I probably would have done it) to quitting school and I joined an online dating site. Come on there are good stories behind both (especially the latter). I've realized my angst with med school. I've always danced to the beat of my own drum. Always. I've never quite fit anyone's typical stereotypes as to who I should be. Come on, black girl who genuinely loves the Backstreet Boys, doesn't have kids and has never tried drugs-- my point exactly. I've never played much into labels. I've never let one thing in my life define who I was. Being black, a sick kid, raised by a single parent, and my obsession with boy bands are all great descriptors of what I'm about but not one isolated thing defines who I am.
In terms of relationships, I'm a daughter, a best friend, an aunt, a sister, an enemy, heck, even a frenemy, a med student, a blogger, and the list goes on and on. The one qualifier that everyone immediately runs to is 'med student'. I'm ecstatic that so many people in my life are so proud of me. Without their support, I would have quit a long time ago but I have other roles. I'm not 1 dimensional. With that being said, I've inadvertently become 1 dimensional. Most of my relationships have fallen by the way side. I don't have time to get lunch, or talk for 2 hours, and especially not visit if you live farther than like 10 mins away. Before med school, I devoted so much time to the relationships I had and the things that made me happy. If there was a concert that I wanted to see, I was there. Now, I have to check a schedule and see if there's an exam. These days med school takes up most of my life. I have no energy to pour into the things and people that make my life so rich. To be frank, I'm pretty pissed about it.
Everytime I turn around I'm sacrificing another element of what makes me me to molded by subtle (and sometimes blatant) force into this doctor who will one day save the world. I find myself wondering if when that one day comes there be any of 'me' left. Will I still want to save the world or just want a cup of coffee and a cigarette? Is it worth it? I'm still trying to formulate an adequate response.
So online dating. I know I said before I'd never do it but this has been the funniest 2 weeks ever. So labor day weekend there was free communication weekend on that one site. So I was like "what the heck" and signed up. I answered all the questions, made Witty comments about myself and my life, but failed to add a photo. No one responded. It was kinda tragic but I understood. After the free communication was over, I got this interesting match. A med student, about an hour away, who loved him some Jesus and was in the Aiforce. Ideally amazing for me, right!? So me being cheapo me wasn't going to pay to see what this guy looked like. It wasn't going to happen. So I facebooked his first name (that's all I knew) figuring there could only be so many guys with that name who was also in med school and lived that close and was an officer in the Airforce. Ok, so I'm fantastic at faceboook stalking. Don't hate. Anyway, I had it narrowed down to 2 possible people. Wouldn't you know, I knew one of them?
So after about an hour curiosity killed me. I had to know which airforce officer, med student who loved the Lord it was so I paid to join so I could see his picture. Wouldn't you know it was the guy I knew. Might I add, we are completely incompatible. That compatibility profile must have had an off day or someone lied on some of the questions. I know I was honest... I'm just saying. So this experience has taught me something very interesting. In online dating, anything is fair game. Saying you love Jesus on your 'about me' section is like a celebrity thanking God when they won an award. It's overly done and rarely sincere.
Another life lesson, I attract the weirdos and freaks. How do I get matched with the "disabled" (aka unemployed) 31 year old who appears to do nothing all day but to shine is grill (the one in his mouth precious). Or the 28 year old "artist". Or the seemingly perfect 26 year old McHottie teacher in Alaska (yeah, that helps a lot). Best yet though, the guy who's "about me" says "I'm the best psycho ex you'll ever have". Yes, sign me up twice, you're the winner, I want you psycho ex. Dear Lawd, even the online dating sites take me to be a sucker.
I went into this thing with no reservation or hope of actually finding 'love online'. I'm not saying it doesn't happen. I've seen it happen. I went to a wedding resulting from love at first click. But as for me, I attract weirdos and freaks so I'm treading water very cautiously. Also, I'm kinda liking being single again. Ok, I really like it. Being in a relationship is exhausting but clearly I want one or I wouldn't be on a dating site now would I. I'm just not 100% sure that I'm ready to give up singleness just yet. That's good though because at the moment, the seemingly normal and decent matches seem no to be communicating with me. I'm not sure what I think about that. I'm not going to lie, I get a little insecure about it. Is my profile not good enough! Are YOU on crack, I'm the best thing this site has to offer! Although, I'm not sure of online dating etiquette. Should I contact these men if I think they're quite nice? I just don't know! Does online dating negate old school rules of engagement? I mean it's pretty obvious that everyone's there for the same reason. It's almost like a drunk going to an AA meeting. Pretty much the same thing.
Anyway my membership expires in January. I hope if nothing else, it yields very interesting blogs maybe even a date or two. I've gotta circumvent this arranged marriage. I now have 2 Nigerian men, one of which is in Nigeria, looking for me a good Nigerian husband so I can "wipe away my father's tears". Someone please save! I'll try not to stay away so long next time. Loves.
A few notes, I have so serious Claire Dane hair envy. I'm a hater of natural red heads. There is nothing ever cute about having orange hair, exhibit a, Carrottop. I think a cross between fire engine red and alburn hair is just beautiful. Pretty pretty very pretty. Claire Dane, your colorist is dead on, work it baby!
There was this awesome quote! Here it is for your edification:
"It just seems like, you agree to have a certain personality or something. For no reason. Just to make things easier for everyone. But when you think about it, I mean, how do you know it's even you? And, I mean, this whole thing with yearbook -- it's like, everybody's in this big hurry to make this book, to supposedly remember what happened. Because if you made a book of what really happened, it'd be a really upsetting book." - Angela, My So Called Life
True, forreal. Some of you may know I've been experiencing a quarter life crisis. Yes, it happens often but this one was rather big. I'm not sure what the disturbance was in the universe that day but it shook the foundations of my world pretty big. Just plain chaos. It wasn't a single isolated event though. Definitely a culmination of just random small things. During this time of crazy I've learned a lot.
Like, in many ways I'm a lot like Angela. It's true, I can related to a 15 year old fictional character. I'm still trying to figure it out. More specifically, I'm trying to figure me out. The person I see these days ain't the chick I love. Every so often I'll get a glimpse of the real me and realize not all hope is lost.
I know I moan and complain about how I hate the person that med school has made me. It's true. I do. I can't blame it all on school. As Angela says "just to make things easier for everyone". I admire those people who live life uninhibitedly with reckless disregard of how their lives impact others. I don't actually believe those people exist but if they did, I'd think they were rockstars.
With that said, all in one week I came extremely close (like had I been at school I probably would have done it) to quitting school and I joined an online dating site. Come on there are good stories behind both (especially the latter). I've realized my angst with med school. I've always danced to the beat of my own drum. Always. I've never quite fit anyone's typical stereotypes as to who I should be. Come on, black girl who genuinely loves the Backstreet Boys, doesn't have kids and has never tried drugs-- my point exactly. I've never played much into labels. I've never let one thing in my life define who I was. Being black, a sick kid, raised by a single parent, and my obsession with boy bands are all great descriptors of what I'm about but not one isolated thing defines who I am.
In terms of relationships, I'm a daughter, a best friend, an aunt, a sister, an enemy, heck, even a frenemy, a med student, a blogger, and the list goes on and on. The one qualifier that everyone immediately runs to is 'med student'. I'm ecstatic that so many people in my life are so proud of me. Without their support, I would have quit a long time ago but I have other roles. I'm not 1 dimensional. With that being said, I've inadvertently become 1 dimensional. Most of my relationships have fallen by the way side. I don't have time to get lunch, or talk for 2 hours, and especially not visit if you live farther than like 10 mins away. Before med school, I devoted so much time to the relationships I had and the things that made me happy. If there was a concert that I wanted to see, I was there. Now, I have to check a schedule and see if there's an exam. These days med school takes up most of my life. I have no energy to pour into the things and people that make my life so rich. To be frank, I'm pretty pissed about it.
Everytime I turn around I'm sacrificing another element of what makes me me to molded by subtle (and sometimes blatant) force into this doctor who will one day save the world. I find myself wondering if when that one day comes there be any of 'me' left. Will I still want to save the world or just want a cup of coffee and a cigarette? Is it worth it? I'm still trying to formulate an adequate response.
So online dating. I know I said before I'd never do it but this has been the funniest 2 weeks ever. So labor day weekend there was free communication weekend on that one site. So I was like "what the heck" and signed up. I answered all the questions, made Witty comments about myself and my life, but failed to add a photo. No one responded. It was kinda tragic but I understood. After the free communication was over, I got this interesting match. A med student, about an hour away, who loved him some Jesus and was in the Aiforce. Ideally amazing for me, right!? So me being cheapo me wasn't going to pay to see what this guy looked like. It wasn't going to happen. So I facebooked his first name (that's all I knew) figuring there could only be so many guys with that name who was also in med school and lived that close and was an officer in the Airforce. Ok, so I'm fantastic at faceboook stalking. Don't hate. Anyway, I had it narrowed down to 2 possible people. Wouldn't you know, I knew one of them?
So after about an hour curiosity killed me. I had to know which airforce officer, med student who loved the Lord it was so I paid to join so I could see his picture. Wouldn't you know it was the guy I knew. Might I add, we are completely incompatible. That compatibility profile must have had an off day or someone lied on some of the questions. I know I was honest... I'm just saying. So this experience has taught me something very interesting. In online dating, anything is fair game. Saying you love Jesus on your 'about me' section is like a celebrity thanking God when they won an award. It's overly done and rarely sincere.
Another life lesson, I attract the weirdos and freaks. How do I get matched with the "disabled" (aka unemployed) 31 year old who appears to do nothing all day but to shine is grill (the one in his mouth precious). Or the 28 year old "artist". Or the seemingly perfect 26 year old McHottie teacher in Alaska (yeah, that helps a lot). Best yet though, the guy who's "about me" says "I'm the best psycho ex you'll ever have". Yes, sign me up twice, you're the winner, I want you psycho ex. Dear Lawd, even the online dating sites take me to be a sucker.
I went into this thing with no reservation or hope of actually finding 'love online'. I'm not saying it doesn't happen. I've seen it happen. I went to a wedding resulting from love at first click. But as for me, I attract weirdos and freaks so I'm treading water very cautiously. Also, I'm kinda liking being single again. Ok, I really like it. Being in a relationship is exhausting but clearly I want one or I wouldn't be on a dating site now would I. I'm just not 100% sure that I'm ready to give up singleness just yet. That's good though because at the moment, the seemingly normal and decent matches seem no to be communicating with me. I'm not sure what I think about that. I'm not going to lie, I get a little insecure about it. Is my profile not good enough! Are YOU on crack, I'm the best thing this site has to offer! Although, I'm not sure of online dating etiquette. Should I contact these men if I think they're quite nice? I just don't know! Does online dating negate old school rules of engagement? I mean it's pretty obvious that everyone's there for the same reason. It's almost like a drunk going to an AA meeting. Pretty much the same thing.
Anyway my membership expires in January. I hope if nothing else, it yields very interesting blogs maybe even a date or two. I've gotta circumvent this arranged marriage. I now have 2 Nigerian men, one of which is in Nigeria, looking for me a good Nigerian husband so I can "wipe away my father's tears". Someone please save! I'll try not to stay away so long next time. Loves.
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