Top 5 Clues You're too Old for the Club
5. The hemline of your dress is within 3 inches of your knee
4. You recognize the songs that came out in the early 90s but that's about it.
3. 2 minutes into dancing you think "ok, where's the oxygen?"
2. By the end of the night you're on a 1st name basis with the bathroom attendant because of your stress incontinence.
1. Whenever a guy approached you, you decide to dance with him based on if he had a wristband or black x on his hand. The black x is the scarlet letter of the club, you run away screaming when approached.
The 5 types of guys I attract in the club
5) The 20 year old
4) The 20 year old with driver's licence that says he in 25. He's 6'5', and dances like this guy.........
.......and repeatedly said "this white boy can dance".. The disapproving stares the black people are giving in this video, sums up the glances I got.
3) The guy who was way too excited to be on spring break.. you know, that guy.. no, not the fist pumper.. the loud almost obnoxious but endearing guy
2) Frat Matts. Yes, I said Matts. I got blindsided by 2 of them on the dance floor. Who was stoked... yes, this girl! Hey, it was only one dance... although sooo picture worthy but who's the tool at the bar with a camera.. nope, not us! We're old, remember?
1) Clinton.... lovely Clinton. He was just my type. Looked like he washed up from the Jersey shore. He stepped in front of me, causing me to run right into his impeccably toned body. I say 'oh, excuse me' he wraps his arms around my waist and replies 'what's your name'... we exchange names... then here's the killer line ladies and gents he says 'why are you so beautiful' and i coyly reply 'baby i was born this way (thank you lady gaga)' and walked out into the night.
Truth of the story, I think Clinton was hot.. well what of him I remember. As well as a hot mess. It was dark, I was tired and may have had a drink... my memories fuzzy. I would have given ol' Clinton a chance had he not had an absent seizure on my shoulder. Alas, my first run in with a Guido was bittersweet. Although the club was packed with them.. wouldn't you know the Sitch was there? We didn't realize he was in the next club over until after he had left. Total bummer. Actually, no... not a real bummer. I believe I could contract chlamydia from sharing the same air as the Situation.
Alas, the rest of my break was uneventful. True to med school form, I studied. Walked the beach. Got an wicked tan. I'd show you but it's NSFW. I got a shark fin balloon hat! I say Spring Break was a major win.
If nothing else, spring break reminded me how much I love to travel. Anybody wanna go anywhere. Roadtrip? I'm in. Passport required, sign me up twice!! Sorry this took so long to post, med school has been pimping me out! <3
