Seems like the word of the moment between my friends and I is crossroads. If they're not at a crossroad, then they're fastly approaching. The pros and cons have been tabulated but the decision isn't quite ready to be made. Perhaps they're just being flooded with possibilities. Maybe, like me, we're all just feeling the urge for a change.
I keep hearing people say that my age group is just in a transition period in life. I'm calling shenanigans. Every period of life is transitional. As people we're in a constant state of progression. When we stay in one place too long, our souls become restless and hearts weary. The human race was born with one massive case of ADD, prognosis, terminal.
As I begin to embark on med school year deux, I find myself in self eval mode. Question like, Do I want to be a doctor, really? and Should I transfer schools? and Am I wasting my 20s, the prime of my life? flood my mind. Do I have answers? Not exactly, in fact it leaves me in a place of more confusion... the crossroad.
Not the mall, my friend, more like an old dirt road that stops at a fork surrounded by overgrowth. Both paths seem to go on forever, sporadically rays of sunlight dance along each way. And not one path appearing greener than the other. The thicket surrounding each path also casts random shadows and obscures my sight to the sun.
Oddly though, even though the destination is unknown, I feel like each path will end in my blessing. I'm saying that because that's what good Christians do but I feel it deep down in my spirit that God's leaving it up to me. I feel like He's giving me the option. That in itself is amazing. God, Creator of the universe, is giving me a little freedom.
Some people say that there's always a good and a better choice. I'm not so sure I buy that. We make millions of choices a day. Not many of them are made after fasting and praying for a year. I'm not saying sometimes, that's not necessary but I feel like when you get to the brass tacks, most of our decisions are made on a whim. I believe those are the decisions that make or break your life. I think we put so much effort into making 'big' decisions, we feel like those are the ones that matter, but what about the culmination of the small ones? I feel like everything in life is a divine appointment, not coincidence. So those minute by minute decisions help you arrive to that appointment when you need to. I believe there's a lot of freedom in God's will. He trusts us and even when we mess up He can fix it.
So I don't want people to think that I'm trying to be cryptic. I just feel like my life is at one big crossroad. Dear blogworld, here are some things I've been praying about: transferring schools, my relationship with the boy and if I want to be a doctor. I think I've given this stuff way too much weight. I mean yes, they're important but not enough to consume my every thought. I guess this blog has taken a crazy turn. I meant to talk about crossroads, essentially I did I guess. Hope you get something good out of this. Loves not drugs baby.
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